


rewind to a smile

by eonflute



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, ME: CRYING, Movie Spoilers, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eonflute/pseuds/eonflute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They weren't quite ready to accept their fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	rewind to a smile

_I don’t want a µ's without you._

Such a charged statement. She’d been so overwhelmed by the emotion in the air at that moment, ready to choke out every word if it meant somehow, in some universe, they could stay at Otonokizaka High with the rest of them. Hell, she could have torn the very world down brick by brick, because…

Because she loved Nico.

But she couldn’t lose her composure now, not when everyone else had accepted µ's fate. They’d made their decisions, they’d given it their all, and now they were all going to live with the aftermath of their own choice.

Maki took in a deep breath to ground herself. It was so easy for all of them; none of the others had fallen head-over-heels for a girl they’d spend all of one year with before she disappeared off into the wide world to follow her own path, away from Otonokizaka and away from the one who loved her.

And no, no she couldn’t keep thinking about it. Maki Nishikino was a stubborn, steadfast girl and she didn’t cry after everything was over and done with and they had all resolved the issue that nagged at them increasingly over the past year.

Maki buried her face in her hands. She was going to be fine, Nico wasn’t that important, right? One day, perhaps, she’d find someone else, move on into the world.

That was when they got the news.

* * *

_One last chance._

After this, Nico was gone for good. Maki curled her knees into her chest. The dry air on the plane had chapped her lips, and all she could think as she chewed at dried-up skin was how awful this all was. For their group, certainly, but mostly just for her.

Just one little window of time, an opportunity to confess, even. Anything would suffice if she could just spit it the hell out.

With a tiny sigh of resignation, Maki buried her face in her cold knees.

“Maki?”

She could only barely contain her yelp of shock as Nico leaned into view from where she stood in the aisle.

“Wha—” Maki barely caught herself before she said something embarrassing. After a short pause to clear her throat and regain her breath, she turned back to stare into those vivid pink eyes, narrowed at her ever so slightly in silent judgment. “What do you want, Nico?”

Mentally, she was slapping herself. _You’re trying to make the situation here better, not worse, you idiot!_ Outwardly, she remained the same stone-faced girl and damn it, why was it so hard to break her own façade and just admit it?!

“Nothing!” the short girl snapped back huffily. “You just looked kinda down, so I thought you might need to talk to someone. I was wrong, obviously.” Nico turned away indignantly, sliding away into her seat just one row in front.

Now Maki physically slapped herself, square in the center of her forehead. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

There was no way the situation would get better if she kept acting the way she always had, especially with Nico. That girl had rarely ever seen anything other than the asshole aura Maki naturally exuded, never having much of the chance to spend enough time together and really get close enough for Maki to be comfortable stripping that all away to really just admit it.

The plane lurched downwards, sending Maki’s stomach leaping right to her mouth. Like it wasn’t already crowded enough with her choking on her own heart already.

* * *

_Gross._

Maki smirked at her own reflection in the cab window. New atmosphere, new country, and her and Nico’s back-and-forth bickering and consistent stubbornness remained the same. That made her falter.

Honestly, she loved the way things were now. How she and Nico could banter so easily, never thinking about it twice because they were so close in all the strangest ways. Sure, they hadn’t exactly spent the most time together, but they were such close friends and try as she might she couldn’t break this with a few dumb words.

Were it not for the other pigtailed girl raising her eyebrows at Maki, she might have confessed then and there. Everything could have spilled out, right there in the cab on their merry way to the hotel. If only.

But the fact of the matter was that Nozomi could see that longing in Maki as she glanced sideways once, twice at Nico, caught the suggestive quirk in Nozomi’s lips, and quickly whipped her head back around so that all she could see was America flying by through the smudged cab window glass. For all it was built up to be, the land of the free wasn’t quite so impressive when you had so much weighing down on you.

Nico didn’t seem nearly as concerned. All she ever did was mess around, really, joke and hell, she could've acted as µ’s’ comedy relief in the worst of it. As a matter of fact…that was what she was doing right now - for Maki, at least.

Fluffs of white skimmed the sky overhead, steel and glass whizzed by alongside her, and Maki’s hopes and feelings were dragged and crushed into the asphalt by the dozens of cars zooming by, always too busy to notice the lovesick foreign girl staring longingly out the window like it would somehow save her from the downward spiral she’d subconsciously enter.

* * *

_Everything is going to be just fine._

Yeah, right. Rin’s optimism was charming at times, but now wasn’t one of them. Yet, despite all her worries, Maki found herself following Rin around town, eyes bright and filled with the glowing streetlight lust of the city. Everything was crumbling around her, cool and confident as she might be in her every step, and times like this were when the music she poured her soul into was all she could use to keep herself together.

That song she was composing. The one Nozomi had taken a peek at. She’d put all her love, all that she hid for the sake of being the group’s token stubborn-as-all-hell voice of reason, and that wasn’t even bothering to mention how relieving it was to be able to ball up every ounce of pent-up frustration that had built over a year of falling in love with Nico at a distance and just launch it all into music.

Watching emotions explode into rhythms was a favorite pastime of hers. Especially when said emotions were getting in the way of her ability to just get on with her life.

* * *

_What were you thinking?_

Maki didn’t hesitate to turn her cheek towards Honoka the minute their oh-so-responsible leader made her grand reappearance in the dead of the night. Umi’s voice was laden with anger, yet underneath it all Maki could hear the worry, the pent-up concern for her best friend.

Boy, did she ever know how Umi felt. Day by day, frustrated over Nico’s own actions and how they were going to go on like this. If there was even really a “they” to dream up a future for.

Nico’s head popped out from behind the lobby door, and Maki felt her heart jump into her mouth. All of µ’s was gathered here, standing their ground below a pleasantly starry sky, tension building up to something fierce.

Yet, through all of this, she noticed Nico.

Honoka apologized profusely that night, and they all decided it was best to sleep it all off. Clearly, this involved Maki tossing and turning for a good half hour before Nozomi shushed her.

“Maki, quiet down. Some of us need rest,” she half-whispered from her bed on the opposite side of the room.

“Sorry,” murmured Maki. Her cheeks went hot the instant she heard Nozomi speaking; after all, it could potentially become more than a little bothersome if she kept thinking about her love life and all that it wasn’t.

“Girl troubles keeping you up?”

At that, Maki let out a hoarse shriek and launched a pillow in the general direction of Nozomi’s bed. The shadowy gloom that enveloped them did nothing to hinder her aim as she heard the muffled yelp of one nailed square in the face with an oversized hotel pillow.

“What would you know about girl troubles?!” Maki yelled. It was past midnight and she could hardly care less about how many complaints their neighbors lodged. All she could think about was how awful, how _embarrassing_ it was to have Nozomi - one of her closest friends in their group (outside of the other first years, of course) - to have _Nozomi_ giggling about Maki’s day-to-day swooning over an immature little brat of a third-year who had no room for much but bluntness, a cutesy idol façade, and a remarkable stubborn streak.

“Trust me, Maki, when I say I know way more than you ever will about them,” Nozomi snickered quietly. “It’s ridiculous, even, all that fretting I did over Eli, how much I wanted to confess things to her one after another. ‘I want to be your friend,’ ‘I want to help you’...and then you can imagine what happened next.”

Now sitting upright on her bed criss-cross, Maki found herself slouching in embarrassment. Of course Nozomi knew more about girls than she did. What could one expect from their resident manhandler?

“I...I’m worried about how it’s going to end,” she confessed. “Nico’s going to graduate and move on to greener pastures, and I’ll be stuck at Otonokizaka for the next two years. We’re going to forget each other someday. And that scares me.”

“You don’t have to be scared of moving on, Maki,” Nozomi whispered. Her voice might have been low, but the depth and knowledge in her words left Maki’s ears ringing in the stifling silence. She couldn’t even hear the cars rushing around in the streets; it was all Nozomi’s reassurance now. “Make what time you have with Nico count. And also, let me just say that you don’t have to be afraid of showing any feelings towards her. Everyone here knows you’re not just some stubborn, emotionless rock. We’re all friends. There’s nothing you need to hide, from any of us.”

Maki swallowed hard. Naturally.

“I...uh...thank you, Nozomi,” she muttered. “Good night.”

It was a long time before her mind was calm enough for her to finally rest.

* * *

_A-RISE?_

It couldn’t be helped; Maki found Nico’s startled reaction to the news of the upcoming collaboration endearingly stupid.

Certainly, Honoka’s idea would take a lot more effort than everyone might necessarily be able to give, but where was the fun in something effortless?

Then Nozomi had to go and mention that song. The one Maki was pouring all her love into, born of all the emotions she took steps not to make too apparent. Sure, she could be rather expressive when she really wanted, but there was a limit to how far Maki was willing to go with that. Her only true outlet was the music she put out day by day.

How had that come to a point with Tsubasa gently breathing down her back, her lips, as she leaned in with what had previously been a “little suggestion.”

“Maki...how about this?”

Shockingly - almost disappointing, in fact - Tsubasa drew away slowly, stepping back around Maki to lace their hands. “Here...if you add in a little glissé here, then go right into the climax of the chorus…”

There was a thump against the glass on the door that caused the two girls, interlocked in the near-sexual tension of the moment, to glance up in panic. As far as they could see, there was nobody in the hallway, or wait...Nozomi?!

Maki’s eyebrows shot up, and with them came her eyes themselves, stretching to panicked proportions. _Oh, wow, how could the absolute worst possible person happen to glance in on her, unless…_

Nozomi didn’t have on her typical cheeky look at all. No gleeful smile danced across her face, no blackmail-planning glint in her eyes. This wasn’t like that at all. In fact, she wasn’t even looking at them. Rather, her gaze trailed down the hallway to their right, eyebrows furrowed in worry, maybe even sadness.

Oh no.

No, no no no no, _no_.

Of course it wouldn’t have been Nozomi to peep in on them. It was so, _so_ much worse than that. Maki knew, she could tell from the sudden shocked eye contact from Nozomi, that Nico had been looking in. Had seen Tsubasa’s lips mere centimeters from Maki’s, the careful curl of one body over another.

And that meant Nico probably thought Maki wasn’t interested.

She swallowed it all down, every emotion that threatened to spill over at that moment. They didn’t have time to pursue futureless romance right now. This was a time for collaboration, not high school love live woes.

“So, about the chorus’s climax…”

* * *

_Run away._

It hadn’t been all that long since the members of µ’s had first discovered their suddenly skyrocketing popularity, but Maki could remember everything from that moment clear as day. Nico’s sudden taking charge of the situation, frantically scattering throughout the city. She’d been about ready to collapse with all the weakness in her legs. Running up and down stairs might have worked to keep her legs slender, but at some point a girl who spends a good three quarters of her spare time perched on a piano bench can only exert so much energy.

As it happened, she was once again ready to collapse, jello legs and all.

“Hmph. If you don’t have anything to say to me, Maki, I’ll be going.”

“Wait!”

Words caught in her throat as Maki extended a desperate hand. Nico was upset, she was so obviously upset, and Maki couldn’t tell whether she was just having a bad day or if that moment with Tsubasa in the music room had genuinely shaken Nico The Unshakable so.

“I...I know you saw us, in the music room. Nozomi told me.”

“I knew she couldn’t keep her mouth shut!” Nico’s exasperation was blatantly clear. Whether that was with Maki, Nozomi, or both, Maki couldn’t tell.

“So, uh, I just...I just wanted to know. What you thought of that, I mean.”

“Nothing,” Nico huffed. “I didn’t think anything.”

“Liar.” Maki narrowed her eyes. It didn’t matter that she had the biggest, dumbest crush in the world on Nico. Nobody got past Maki Nishikino like that.

“Ugh. If you insist,” muttered Nico. She grit her teeth, practically forcing her next words out. “I was kinda shocked.”

A slight eyebrow quirk.

“What?! It’s the truth!” The older girl was sounding even more indignant than usual. Her squeaky angel act had been dropped. “It was really...uh, surprising to see you and Tsubasa like that. I didn’t know--”

“What, so just because some girl I’ve spent all of two hours with in person is close to my face, I have to be dating her?” Maki all but shouted. They were out in the streets, yeah, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t express the emotions that had long since boiled over.

“I didn’t say that!” Nico yelled back, voice cracking. “I just...I thought you might have liked me! That’s it! It’s stupid. I’m stupid. And you’re stupid. Bye.”

“Nico.”

The screaming had subsided, replaced by an eerie calm in Maki’s voice.

“Nico, I like you. A lot. Hey, I might go so far as to say…”

This was it. The moment she’d been fretting over for almost a good year now. Fists clenched, fingernails digging crescents into the bony center of her palm, Maki breathed in deep.

“I might even say that…uh. Nico. I might be in love with you.”

There was a pause. The air was so tense, Maki could barely get a breath in.

Nico burst out laughing.

“I...I just can’t...hah! You! Love! I’m just…” She was even tearing up in the corners of her eyes, the full set and everything. “I can’t believe this! All this time...you...in love with me.”

Gradually, Nico’s laughter ebbed out, leaving her smiling brightly at Maki. Not her stage smile, not the “I’m about to do something mildly transgressive but I’m cute so I get a pass” smile. A bright, honest one, reserved just for Maki.

“Maki, you’re so stupid,” she giggled. “I like you a lot. So much that…maybe I might even kiss you.”

Which reduced the taller girl to a gibbering, stuttering, flustered mess of an idol.

That day, with the sun setting on the horizon and a live all prepped and ready to go for the following day - µ’s last live, a union of all idols across Japan - Nico Yazawa and Maki Nishikino shared their first and last kiss. The depth was undeniable, their lips meshing perfectly with a year’s tensions and frustration all flowing out in a single minute of practical non-action.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

* * *

_Our joyful smiles that make flowers bloom…_

Nico continued on through college and beyond, perhaps to some greater, bigger horizons, ready to keep her family afloat. Maki indulged herself in music, family business forgotten in all the passion she bestowed upon every note she played.

For all the messages, all the signs that they were separated for good, that this was the end of the road for µ’s as a group, perhaps just altogether…they never truly moved on. µ’s had changed every one of its members, undeniably for the better. Maki had found the courage to indulge in her true passion, and Nico had grown immensely to fit in her role: a capable supporter and older sister.

They couldn’t forget each other.

_Would you like to try winding back time?_

“It’s been a while.”

“Dumbass. You perfect, beautiful _dumbass_.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was going to be longer but it's midnight and i just wanted to get this posted haha...
> 
> all the italicized lines after breaks are actual lines/based off of actual lines from the movie or movie songs. also, as for the title: i used their name meanings the same way they were used in bokutachi wa hitotsu no hikari (in the context of "maki modoshite," it refers to roll or rewind and "nikkori" is smile)
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed an entire story written by sadness and sleep deprivation i'm sorry to disappoint


End file.
